Mystery Object: Bottle In A Broom

One of the things that make collecting so much fun is finding a thing, an object, a thingamabob, a gizmo that just can't be identified. Try as I might, I have not found one these things on the internet and none of the antique collectors with whom I come in contact has ever seen anything like it.

"It" is a whisk broom wrapped around a half-pint size bottle.

Now I can imagine all sort of uses:

The valet who dusts off your clothing and then has access to a quick nip, all the while keeping it secret.

The housewife who brushes up the dinner table and then decides on a short snort -- you know, something to take the edge off.

The old man cleaning out the car on a Saturday morning needs a little fortification -- but not so's the neighbors will know.

Maybe hooch and secrecy are not involved -- but then why keep the bottle under wraps?

It is obviously a manufactured item, with fine tight stitching around the straws, a nicely made cork stopper - but nary a name tag anywhere

What does my reader think?

Help me, please

Who Says There Is No Santa Claus?

In a message dated 12/24/2008 10:52:58 A.M. Pacific Standard Time, ENovak@ascentmedia.com writes:

> Santa and Science
> 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are
> 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified,
> and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not
> completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has
> ever seen.
>
> 2) There are 2 billion children in the world (persons under
> 18). But since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle
> Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist children, that reduces
> the workload by 85% of the total-- leaving 378 million
> according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an
> average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household,
> that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at
> least one good child per house.
>
> 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to
> the different time zones and the rotation of the earth,
> assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).
> This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
> This is to say that for each Christian household with good
> children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of
> the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking,
> distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
> whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get
> back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
>
> 4) Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are
> evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we
> know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we
> will accept), we are now talking about
> 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million
> miles, not counting stops to do what most of us do at least
> once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc. That means that
> Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000
> times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the
> fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe,
> moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional
> reindeer can run, at tops
> 25-30 miles per hour.
>
> 5) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting
> element. Assuming each child gets nothing more then a
> medium sized LEGO set (2 lbs.), the sleigh is carrying
> 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
> described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer
> can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the
> "flying reindeer" can pull TEN TIMES that normal
> amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine--we
> need 214,200 reindeer. This increased the payload--not
> even counting the weight of the sleigh--to 353,430 tons.
> Again for comparison, this is four times the weight of the
> HMS Queen Elizabeth.
>
> 6) Three hundred and fifty-three thousand tons travelling
> at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance.
> This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
> spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.
> The lead pair will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy
> per second, each. In short, they will burst into flames
> almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them,
> and creating a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The
> entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26
> thousandths of a second. Santa meanwhile, will be subject
> to centrifugal forces of 17,500.06 times greater than
> gravity. A 250 lb. Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)
> would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by a
> 4,315,015 pound force.
>
> In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on
> Christmas eve, he's now dead.

Now, I don't know who ENovak is and all those mathematical calculations are well and good -- but his conclusion is sideways. Santa Claus would not be dead. How else to explain the miracles that have occurred around the world on this day? Santa Claus could be dead from all that exertion? C'mon Virginia, of course Santa Claus would be alive and well and asking for more. There's a little bit of Santa Claus living in all of us. And that's how this miraculous delivery job gets done. Ask any of the billion of Santa's adult elves who have stayed up half the night wrestling with packages that say "some assembly required." It's obvious to the most casual observer. Ask any five-year-old.
Santa Claus dead? I think not. He's just real tired.

Illustration Courtesy: Webweaver's Free Clip Art

Chariot Racing Help Needed

I have acquired the pictured silver belt buckle and have questions. It's one of those large (4 inches by 3 inches) and very well made belt buckles similar to those cowboys earn for bull riding or calf roping or bronc riding at major rodeos. This one, however, pictures two running horses, PULLING A CHARIOT!
I know there are chariot races held throughout the West and have searched the Web high and low and cannot locate a name that fits SRRA. The buckle is dated 1983 on the front. It was manufacured in German silver by the Montana Silversmiths of Columbus, Mont. My contact with them was brief, to the point of rudeness and completely helpless.
So, I'm turning to my reader with two questions:
1. What is the meaning of SRRA? 2. What does "1st Aged" mean?

Christmas Conundrum

As previously mentioned, I look for, and find, all kinds of old paper -- this piece was found rumpled up in the bottom of a box of old Christmas Cards. I'd opine it to be from the 1960s.

So, for my reader out there: May all your holidays be happy!

(Caution: Adult material ahead!)

San Francisco 49ers Fight Song

Someone asked me the other day if the San Francico 49ers had a fight song. Assuring the questioner that they certainly did need one, I dragged out some of my memorabilia to display the accompanying song sheet. I do not know if this is an "official," NFL-approved fight song, but here it is. The song was written by Martin Judnich in 1952 and published two years later. (Yes, son, there was a football team called the 49ers before Joe Montana came to town.)

It is also reported that during the days when the team was playing at Kezar a group of local and loyal musicians would break into song with "San Francisco," the tune from the 1930s movie of the same name and made popular by Tony Bennett.

By the way, the 49er cartoon character was used on all the 49er promotion stuff during this period. The "Official 49er Majorette" on the cover is Pat Maulden. It wasn't until the NFL mandated teams to have them in the 1980s when the 'Niners started featuring cheerleaders, to satisfy the television broadcasters.

You can listen to the 49ers Fight Song as played by The National Football League Marching Band -- no lyrics -- on:

http://philadelphia-eagles.net/fightsongs/nfc-49ers.html and

http://www.angelfire.com/fl/TheCard/fightnw.html

I am not sure you'll like it much as it doesn't seem to have much rhythm, even though it also is labeled "Football Polka."

Here's the lyrics (maybe someone out there will have the capability of matching them to the music):

"This is our football fight song, It has some cheering words

If you want fancy singing we leave that to the birds

And while our band is playing we sing it for the foe

And when our gang starts driving we yell GO-GO-GO-GO!

1. When our band plays football tempo, All the fans will cheer and sing

So when our team is fighting to go, You will hear our voices ring

We all know our team fights for us, And the fans do want some fun

We soon will loudly sing the chorus, While the foe is on the run.

2. Let's sing the good old Football Polka, While we shout GO-GO-GO-GO!

We cheer our team of Alma Mater, While they GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!

Our gang shall drive and keep on rolling, And across the goal they'll go

Let's sing the good old Football Polka, While we GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!

3. Let's sing the Forty Niner's Fight Song, While we shout GO-GO-GO-GO!

We cheer our team of San Francisco, While they GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!

Our gang shall drive and keep on rolling, And across the goal they'll go

Let's sing the Forty Niner's Fight Song, While we GO-GO-GO-GO-GO!"

--by Martin Judnich, 1952

What more can I say?

Dredging For Answers

Here is this wonderful thing.
It seems to be a model of some kind of dredge.
It's 100 percent brass and is very well made.
Perhaps it is a salesman's sample
Perhaps someone just made it for his own enjoyment.
I obtained it from an antique store going out of business in Woodland, Calif. The owners knew little of its beginning or history. I was told a person could hook up a garden hose to the tap on the end and that the water would flow through the little piping and exit through the lattice-type conveyor belt, to be ejected through the downward pointing end. Overall, it's about four feet long and three feet wide with both tanks in place.
I can imagine this dredge floating in a pond of its own creation, dredging up gold-filled soil and somehow separating it from the mud, silt and sand.
Am I going off the deep end here? (No pun intended.)
In any case, if you know what this thing is, how it works and why it was constructed in this fashion, I'm open to suggestions.
Have a nice day.

My Time With Fantasy Football

A well-padded football player in the early part of the 20th century. The thing hanging from the elastic strap around his neck is a hard rubber combination mouth and nose guard. These were used only for a few years -- and no wonder!

It must have been a slow day, back in 1978. I was reading Sports Illustrated and noticed a small story in the column titled “In the Spotlight.” Some fellow (see below) in the San Francisco Bay Area had thought up this little game with a bunch of guys selecting American Football League players from the offensive side of the ball, toting up their scores from each weekend’s action and comparing their scores.

I thought that sounds like fun and the next thing I know, we’ve gathered together 12 fellow workers at The Sacramento Bee, established some very basic rules, held a draft and the All Points Football League was born. I cannot recall how much money we put in the pot but I do have an account of the winnings: The 12 players were divided into two divisions and each division winner earned $20; second place was worth $15 and third was $11. Also, the team with the most points at the season’s end earned an extra $2. In addition, the team winning each week’s head-to-head, collected a dollar (ONE DOLLAR!) from the losing team owner. Wow!

We played that league for more than 25 years, until disbanding a couple years ago. But it was so simple. The only things that mattered were touchdowns, field goals and conversions. No yardage bonuses, no points per yard, no points per catch, no points for fumbles or fumble recoveries or sacks, no waivers, no free agents, no play-offs. Just pick a team of 15 players, select a QB, a couple runners, a pair of receivers (tight ends, OK) and a kicker and off we go.

The newsletter that I produced at the time indicates the league would hold a secondary draft halfway through the season, which actually was held in Week 11. Curiously, the league also allowed teams to add or drop a player at any time. Trading players also was allowed -- and there was no limit on the number of players on your roster so you could trade two for one. It was first come, first served. The schedule worked perfectly for a 16- week season. Each team played against each squad in the other division once and each team in your own division twice. Perfectly square. No byes.

I recall team owners scrambling each Friday to figure out which athlete might be injured, and how badly, and whether he would start that weekend’s game. I don’t recall the NFL publishing an injury list in 1979 but if they did, it was very difficult to find. Some newspapers would publish it and I can recall trying to hunt down a SF Chronicle for an updated injury list. We had sports writers in our little group and it seemed like they often a had a bit of a head start on the rest of the team owners. But they would often share their information – especially if they were not going head-to-head with you that weekend. Of course, there was always the team owner who forgot to turn in his lineup or didn’t know his QB was on injured reserve or wanted to trade for a player with a broken leg.

And the scores reflected the simplicity of the game. The first week’s scores ranged from 9 (nine!) to 46. And check this out: the 46 came from 4 TD by Ahmad Rashad, Vikings WR; 12 by Sherman Smith, Seattle RB, and 10 by NY Jets kicker Frank Leahy. The lowest scoring game? A 1-0.

But establishment of yardage bonuses and defenses changed all that. And for a while, we even played "team quarterback:" If you drafted Joe Montana, you would also get all the other QBs on the 49er roster and their scores would count if they got into the game. This was done at the time when quarterbacks were getting knocked out on a regular basis and we felt it offered some kind of insurance. Of course, when a team was ahead in the final moments of a game, a sub would come marching in and want to prove he could throw a TD, causing much teeth-gnashing. .

There was action, however, as shown by the 73 I got in week two from Steve Grogan, NE QB; Sidney Thornton, Pittsburgh RB; Harold Jackson, NE WR; Jean Fugett, Washington TE, and Rafael Septien, Dallas K. As commissioner at the time, adding up the scores was simplicity itself. Only a few years later, the game became a bit more complex – but in all that time, it was always fun!

The first player chosen in that 1979 draft: Seattle QB Jim Zorn. The top scoring player at the end of the season were (stand-by for this!) Brian Sipe, Cleveland QB with 180. The top scoring runner was Earl Campbell, Houston Oilers; best kicker Jim Breech, Oakland Raiders (!) kicker, and Stanley Morgan, NE, was the high scoring WR. The high-scoring team for the year got 500 points and went 11-5 in head-to-head. At the other end of the spectrum, one player got 225 points and was 0-16 in match-ups. Five teams finished 10-6, indicating a very competitive league

And when it was over, we couldn’t wait for 1980.

It was a couple years later when we developed a singular method for handling post-season games. Instead of reducing the regular year to 14 games and holding a league play-off with top scoring teams, we convened for a complete new player draft, choosing players from teams in the play-offs. I always thought this was very successful and really added a lot of excitement to the play-offs, concluding with the Super Bowl and trying to figure out how many players you could choose who would get that far. Much fun!

*Modern fantasy football can be traced back to the late Wilfred "Bill" Winkenbach, an Oakland area businessman and a limited partner in the Oakland Raiders. In 1962, Winkenbach, along with Raiders Public Relations man Bill Tunnel and Tribune reporter Scotty Starling, developed a system of organization and a rule book, which would eventually be the basis of modern fantasy football.